We’ve gotten asked recently what are some good tips for planning a wedding, since our weddings appear to be pretty well planned. My husband, Matt, and I reside in San Francisco but are both originally from the East Coast. Both of our families also skew older. While getting married in front of the Golden Gate Bridge at sunset sounds ideal to both of us, it wouldn’t feel right with key members of our family missing. We also have a fair amount of friends who aren’t in positions to take unpaid (and rather expensive) vacations. So we opted to do a dual coast wedding, one on LI, hence forth East coast, and one in San Francisco, hence forth West coast. These tips are a combination of both. I’ve also included some links to templates that might be helpful when you’re planning.
I want to acknowledge that these aren’t do or die rules. They are what worked well for us. They may not work for you at all. Plan your wedding in way that will make you say “That really was the best day ever.” Mazel tov!🎉
Definitely don’t neglect these:
Apply for your marriage license in time
Make sure your officiant is certified on time
Get your rings cleaned before the wedding
Read and use as applicable:
DJ
Determine what you want the vibe and sound of your ceremony and/or reception to be. My husband and I knew we wanted a PAR-TEE. We didn‘t need to look far. For our East coast reception, we worked specifically with a DJ and not an entertainment company. The first DJ we interviewed we knew was our vibe. He understood all the different genres. He was even able to give us guidance on what the vibe for different parts of the day should be like and how to even accommodate our parents. He understood us.
For our West coast reception we worked with an entertainment company. We did not get to interview the DJ or even speak to him in advanced. We were less in sync with this DJ to say the least. I‘m pretty confident there was a break down in comms between what we had asked for and what the DJ played. Thankfully our coordinator was able to understand our needs and quickly communicated them to the DJ. We found that this DJ didn’t know his genres well and really didn‘t understand our vibe, which was PAR-TEE. I was very bothered by his ability to keep the dance floor packed, which was a strong desire of ours. When looking back with our wedding coordinator on the West coast we all agreed, interviewing the DJ ahead of time is a definite must.
Photographer
These photos tell a story. How do you want your story to be told?
I used Instagram to help me find the photographers we used. I looked a lot at the profiles, but for me, the telling part was the tags. Instagram profiles have a lot of control over the actual profile, but the tags are harder; you’re primary control there is to untag. Helping see what other people shared and loved helped me understand if that was a style I enjoyed. It then came time to interviewing photographers. We loved both of our choices but we both agree, the East coast was more formal. Honestly, that’s just the vibe there. Be sure when you’re interviewing that the photographer will fit the style you want (somehow we ended up interviewing someone who wasn’t our style) and that y’all get along well. It helps you be relaxed day of.
Add enough time
I saw this a lot on Instagram, and we are ON TIME type of people. On the East coast, I went through the times provided by all the vendors and padded every single one with an additional 15 minutes. It seemed excessive but we ended up running precisely on time. If you’re working with a wedding coordinator be sure to push this. I didn’t really need to do this on the West coast because there were less bodies involved and less items on the schedule. We also didn’t have family AND wedding party like most wedding parties. Our wedding party was family only. On reflecting on this, it kept things easy and simple and I think our photographer really enjoyed it. Remember, more people requires more coordination and time as does more on your itinerary for the day.
Food the day of
The rule of thumb is ALWAYS BE SNACKIN’. There isn’t going to be a lot of time to eat the day of. To make sure the day and/or night “goes well”, make sure you pre-eat and not rely on the primary meal (often times dinner, but I want to acknowledge brunch weddings are becoming more common). Keep in mind you’re going to be busy entertaining and probably doing some drinking.
Be sure to eat a good breakfast that will keep you full. On both coasts I did this, and it was a life saver. On the East coast, I had my mom set up a lunch order for the family/wedding party. This made sure everyone was provided a meal, including the make up and hair artist. Prior to our ceremony on the East coast, our venue provided snacks for us and the wedding party. On the West coast we had to request this (and the venue was happy to do it). Matt STILL says this saved us at that reception.
Invest in Canva
There are a lot of paper products that are involved in weddings, save the dates, invitations, thank yous, seating charts, etc. I highly recommend using Canva if you are looking to save some money and/or are remotely artistic. Using the team version might be good but as I use the product more and more I’m realizing there are ways to work around this. I often used Canva to replicate or riff on designs that I found on Etsy or Pinterest. You can then take the design to a local print shotp or purchase directly from them. I liked the fluidiity of Canva more than I liked Minted. If I could advise anything it would be look to Minted for potential designs and if you can’t find what you want replicate in Canva. It will also save you on having the back and forth with a vendor doing the designs.
Envelope your tips prior to the day of
On both coasts we enveloped and labeled our tips prior to the reception. It made everything so quick and easy. When the flowers showed up, all I had to do was hand the envelope to the delivery person. It also meant we could off load the responsibility of tipping on to our wedding coordinators to tip our vendors, like the cake delivery and the DJ.
Spend at least an hour practicing your first dance
We choreographed our own first dance. If one of you is a pretty good dancer, you probably can attempt this. I used Instagram. I let it feed me the dance algorithms (and some good tips…some mentioned here!). I was able to use a basic box step and work in some photogenic turns. If you decide to create your own dance, definitely spend time practicing.
So you may not be a great dancer, maybe dance lessons or hire a choreographer.
You may not have expenses for that either. My tip, at least practice, and put in some good turns.
📸 Shawnessy Dusseau
Hire at least a day of Coordinator
A lot of people hire a wedding planner, my hypothesis is that it eliminates a lot of decision making, and you will make A LOT of decisions. I can’t speak to a wedding planner because we bore the cost of making decisions. If you find yourself in this boat as well, two things: 1. Pinterest is your friend 2. hire a wedding coordinator for the day of. We didn’t actually need one on the East coast but our DJ (seriously, he is amazing) let us know if we were doing things off site it would be a good idea. We did have offsite plans so we hired a family friend to keep us moving to all the right places and ON TIME. It really off loaded the burden from us and kept us on schedule. The same is true for our West coast reception. On the West coast our coordinator was able to help us find vendors and was available the day of to help direct vendors accordingly. We had a little bit of a technical set up so my husband and his brothers ended up assisting some but largely the decorator and the coordinator handled everything.
Do the hair and make up trial
Someone at work gave me this tip when he was planning his wedding. He mentioned it was a regret his wife had because she hadn’t done the trial. Y’all. My make up was FLAW-LESS. Both times. I did several hair and make up trials.
The first one I did in NY, I got exactly what I asked for. It was good but it still didn’t sit right with me. I also was also a little stressed about the artist. So I connected with a different artist. This woman leveled me up. She took GREAT care of my skin before she applied the make up both the day of the trial and the day of the wedding. I LOVED her work at the trial and her relaxed and honest working style. She took feedback well and generated productive conversations around what I wanted. That being said, between my trial and my wedding, I flipped the style and she totally just rolled with it. I loved her flexibility. She definitely nailed a very timeless look with a color that isn’t neutral. My makeup artist also introduced me to my new favorite lip color (after combining my top two from before the wedding) and got me into dermaplaning.
In SF, I was able to get a recommendation from our wedding coordinator. She and I just hit it off right away. She got the make up down pat and was going to do the hair but it was really beyond her skill set. After trying for 40ish minutes, she owned it, which I appreciated. While she did a neutral look for the trial and the wedding (no change there), she also did my make up for a photo shoot I did in June. I told her what I was going for and she just nailed it.
Both make up artists were able to refer me to my hair stylists, who were also fabulous. For the West coast, I pretty much knew what I wanted. So when I met the West coast artist, it was right to work. It took her 30 minutes. We had a few follow ups but overall we knew the direction. On the East coast, I forged a relationship with the hair stylist. I communicated what I wanted but during the trial she was able to make some suggestions about potential updos. I originally thought I wanted to transition to an updo but made a last minute decision not too. I’m glad I did. That braid was 🔥🔥!
Trust the people you hire
I am an incredibly meticulous and organized person. It can be very hard for me to fuss when something doesn’t go the way I planned it. What I did realize was that we had invested a lot of time and money into vetting this incredible group of people to make sure we have the best day ever. While we provided solid guidance, these people are professionals. They do this day in and day out. I don’t like when someone micromanages me, so I should not do the same to them. Let go and trust. Truly. Our East coast photographer would ask me for decisions and my literal response was “You’re the expert. I’ll do what you suggest.” It really was the best day ever…both times.